The ‘Grand’ Parent Effect!
Tell a child that she can spend the weekend at her grandparents’ place. The naughty twinkle in her eye and the broad grin on her face will say it all. That is what grandparents are… the cause of unfiltered fun and the safe space to be the unhinged self. And, of course, innumerable other reasons to make life worthy and wonderful.
I was not fortunate enough to meet my grandfathers, but my grandmothers played a rather ravishing role as I grew up. So much so that one was a constant companion, for better or worse, and the other influenced my penchant for the colonial tongue and the profession it evolved into.
Growing Up With Thakuma…
‘Thakuma,’ as I used to address my father’s mother affectionately, lived with us, and there was hardly a day we didn’t prattle on about nothings. It has been nearly two decades since she left us. Yet, even today, I can feel the softness of her white yarn and smell the sandalwood fragrance of her frail frame.
As a very young widow, her obsession with clinging to a palpable piousness was obvious, but that did not diminish her zest for life or her spontaneity in responding to it. Her meals were frugal, but her storytelling skills were magnificent. Coming back from school, I would crave the handfuls of ‘prasad’ that she would prepare and offer to the deities before they could be savored by us, mortals. After lunch, lying down beside her, I would be engrossed in the yarns she would weave of times gone by… of experiences she had and those she had heard of. Little did I know when I would doze off or even divulge a thing or two, which only she would be privy to.
Never A Dull Moment With Her!
Telly and travel were Thakuma’s fuel and friends. Watching the forbidden weekly ‘Chitrahar’ (a slot when the latest Bollywood songs were played) was possible due to her manipulative skills and merry manner. The inconspicuous hand behind family gatherings, weekend outings, and long-awaited vacations was Thakuma. And the most interesting thing about her was that nobody had ever seen her dull or down. Bright and buoyant, she added magic to my mundaneness, and she was indeed the ‘grand’ parent I grew up with.
A Role Model… The Requirement Of Every Grandchild…
Daughter of a Chief Justice and wife of an eminent criminal lawyer, my mother’s mother was a picture of propriety and primness. Dressed in her pearls and organza sarees, all in muted hues, she was a personality to reckon with. Not limiting herself to the role of a homemaker, she had an active social life, which was mostly spent working for ‘Mohila Samity’ and other charitable organizations.
I would visit my ‘Didu’ (that’s what I called her) during my vacations, and those times were equally enriching and enjoyable. She would take me wherever she went, and each time, the leisure would be laced with a lesson or two. I admired her discipline and dedication, on the one hand, and her ease and elan in managing any situation, on the other. Deep down, I wanted to be like her, and this strengthened the slightly singular bond we shared.
Inspiration And Indulgence… In Equal Measure…
People in our family say that it was Didu who inculcated in me the habit of reading, and her gifts gradually became my sanctuary and soulmates. Be it Pujo or Christmas, birthday or just like that, every present from her would be accompanied by books. Not just one, but a stack of them, to be finished before the next meet. Every week, she would write a letter to me in immaculate English, and I had to reply back, a task I loved to accomplish.
Didu was an all-rounder, and it would be unjust to evade a mention of her extraordinary culinary and embroidery skills. Not the regular fare, but the dainty and daunting preparations like fish Orly, mutton ‘chop,’ ‘pithe’ (a Bengali sweet dumpling), and the like were her forte. She also did intricate needlework, and it is surely a shame that we have not preserved any of her handiwork.
The Risk Of Redundancy!
With changing times, these unconditional relationships are diluting and dissipating. My daughter is lucky to have grandparents around her, but soon this wholesome structure might go missing. With the next generation settling in cities or countries different from their native ones, retirement homes, and assisted living gaining momentum, the grandparent-grandchild dynamics will become a thing of the past.
However, grandparents, as Pope Francis once said, “are a treasure in the family.” “Just being close to them reassures a child, without words, about change and continuity, about what went before and what will come after.” (Fred Rogers) Reinstating their relevance and reverence within a family is the solitary solution to the ‘loneliness epidemic’ that is engulfing children of all ages across the world.
“Do Something Grand”
In appreciation of the ‘Grandparent Advantage’ and to promote intergenerational solidarity, many programs have been ideated and implemented as well. The Grandparents Day in September is perhaps one such endeavor to acknowledge their incomparable contribution in the lives of their children and grandchildren. They raise their grandchildren, care for them, and give them their time and lives. They become their harshest critics and their loudest cheerleaders, all the while holding them close and near.
Unrelenting And Unconditional…
That is how they are. That is how we should be. So instead of celebrating our grandparents for a day, let us be with them every day in some way or the other. Let us give them the gift of our time, talk to them, hold and hug them, pay heed to their concerns, support them in their sickness, and tell them how precious they are!
“Grandparents hold our tiny hands for just a little while, but our hearts forever.”
By Promita Banerjee Nag
An avid word enthusiast and content-churner, Promita is fuelled by novel writings, ideas and light-hearted banter. A teacher by passion, she treads the path of unequivocal learning with and through her students. Mother, music and ‘mishti’ mostly convince her. If you wish for a tête-à-tête, feel free to reach out to her at promita033@gmail.com.
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