“Having recently stepped into the fussy yet fascinating Forty Club, there’s one thing I get to hear from friends and familiars alike. It is called ‘Midlife Crisis’…
Yes, you read that right!
Be it someone not getting her long-deserved promotion and sulking over it or someone becoming quiet in a relationship (I bet the years of togetherness often render one speechless!), it is a midlife crisis that has to shoulder the blame.
On the other side, if a so-long introvert suddenly starts churning out recurrent reels on her reinvented self and revamped life, again, the clueless crisis is held culpable for it. Even a parent reacting to the tireless tantrums of her teenager (that’s me!) is labelled as going through that particular phase of life.
Every change, physical, mental, financial or social, for the better or the worse (depends on the beholder) is callously yet confidently pushed within this bracket of midlife. As if, just saying that makes the act, any act, understood and relatable.
But what’s wrong with changing, and why call it a ‘crisis’? After all, it is the adult’s teen, a period of transition and one has to embrace the eclectic emotions that spread across the spectrum. Confusing and chaotic, it will be, like any other phase of life.
There is no science behind this so-called sensation, and no matter how frazzled or frisky one feels, it has to be figured out by the individual herself. There is no one to have your back but your humble self. And instead of wallowing in such fancy phrases, it’s wise to get sorted and steer yourself ahead.
I can almost hear Mel Robbins saying… “No one’s coming!”
By the way, the phenomenon was the brainchild of Elliott Jacques back in 1965. And I’m sure that he had no idea that it would gain such precedence and popularity with posterity!
Anyway, that’s me, a little mellow and a lot Moi, marching through my midlife…crisis or not…”
So, that was a POST I shared almost a couple of years back. Little did I know then that far from marching, I would be wandering, sometimes strolling, and even retreating through my Midlife!
A renowned psychologist explains Midlife confusion, bordering on the verge of chaos, in one of her TED Talks as an intriguing period. According to her, right from a very tender age, each one of us is given a metaphorical map by our parents, relatives and reliable institutions. We hold on to it as we move ahead, believing that it will take us to point ‘T’, our desired destination, where a treasure awaits us. However, there is a change that we confront every 7 years, and by the time we are between 35 and 42, we have done more or less all that was expected of us. School, college, career, being independent, marriage or partnership, kids, settling down, travels, and somehow, we feel arrived at ‘T’. Yet the promised treasure is missing, and while we may have had many highs, the sense of fulfilment that we crave at this juncture is absent.
This is also the stage of life where we explore options. Either we feel that we have reached the nadir of our existence and only spiritual retreats can offer some respite, or we hear that ‘40s is the new 20s, and we rush to the past to see if we can find what we are seeking by reliving it. So, we try very hard to do something different – change careers, binge on Botox, engage with younger partners, but every attempt amplifies the void that numbs us. The distractions we use to deal with the direness deliver the contrary of what we desire, and now, we are left drained and despairing.
The poignant part of the narrative, I felt, is that people way younger than the designated bracket (irrespective of gender) are reaching ‘T’ earlier and longing for something more. The ‘Search for Meaning’ begins at ‘T’, and it is at this point that one is summoned to connect with the authentic ‘I’. To do that, one needs to consciously step back and attend to all the unfinished business of her past years, those parts that lie dormant or deliberately bypassed. She needs to reclaim the energy from the undone to “do” the next phase of her life.
Many have shared their experiences mentioning that their past with all their pain and patchiness was the ‘prima materia,’ ‘the ‘first matter’ or the formless material to make her ‘magnum opus,’ her great work, whatever that might be. Some argue that during such Midlife encounters, a woman sees the ‘other side’ of herself, precisely because the unexpressed comes to the surface.
The idea is to journey towards her wholeness in the second innings of her life.
None of this happens seamlessly or in sync. In this period of gestation, most women feel depressed, delusional and even debilitated. Just like the caterpillar must endure darkness in the chrysalis while it metamorphoses into a beautiful butterfly, so should the woman withstand grief, growth and pangs. Inspiration and motivation are slow movement, and often it entails putting parts of her to rest only to witness the rise of other parts that support her Core Self. And of course, like the caterpillar, she has to do things on her own, all alone, as it is a part of the plan. While family and friends may facilitate the process, relying on her inner guide is the best way to be.
I believe That Midlife is the time to recognise that every life means something and that each one of us has a singular gift that we need to bring out into this world. That is our debt, and till we repay it, we cannot attain the inner peace and the outer poise that we have been looking for. The crisis can pave the way for connection only when we develop a profound understanding of the spiritual nature of life. When we compel ourselves to live consciously and not impulsively, almost coming back to ourselves with care, courage and commitment. And this feeling of homecoming is always accompanied by the awareness that there is no treasure and no holy grail but an inevitable trail to tread on.
YOU are the Treasure!
By Promita Banerjee Nag
An avid word enthusiast and content-churner, Promita is fuelled by novel writings, ideas and light-hearted banter. A teacher by passion, she treads the path of unequivocal learning with and through her students. Mother, music and ‘mishti’ mostly convince her. If you wish for a tête-à-tête, feel free to reach out to her at promita033@gmail.com.
