I am a mother to a young adult too, a young man. As far as I know, or at least fathom, we share a healthy Parent-Son relationship. We talk often, watch movies, travel, and eat out. He regularly keeps us informed about his schedule and whereabouts.
But as far as Matters of the Heart go, I Can’t Be So Sure. How can any of us be? Youngsters mostly keep this stuff secret, especially from their parents. Perhaps for fear of judgement. I would appreciate it if my son does share, but yes, if he isn’t comfortable, I would wait.
Well, that’s what I believed all this time.
Ketan Agarwal Case.
But Ketan Agarwal- Siya Goyal case has kind of changed my mindset entirely. Suddenly, I wish to know everything that’s happening with him, every moment. I want to keep a tab, 24/7.
Could he be crushing over someone for whom he is just a Use and Throw? Is he unknowingly the Third Wheel in a relationship, wherein he could be humiliated, harassed, or worse still, be subjected to a fate like Ketan? Would he be blackmailed or extorted in the name of love?
I am not denying it, I am also afraid that it could be the Other Way Round? Would he be in a relationship with someone who is being forced into an Arranged Marriage setup, and, rather than consulting with the family, what if he dared to plan and eliminate the other guy in Cold Blood? Or perhaps, would he gang up with someone and threaten or extort an innocent person, again in the name of love?
I might sound crazy, an overthinker, but the recent, almost Everyday Episodes are sending chills down my spine.
For the unversed, here’s a link to the incident I am talking about.
Not All Girls.
I am Not completely blaming The Woman here. I’m not on a witch-hunting spree, trying to depict women as gold diggers. I could have been a mother to a Daughter. Who on earth would imagine that their daughter would turn out to be the Mastermind or accomplice of a crime so heinous?
Siya tells the police that confronting her family was Difficult. Tell me, Talking to Parents about his so-called baldness, stammer, and your affair was Unimaginable? BUT…
KILLING HIM WAS?
Flaws in Parenting, Gaps in Communication.
Unfortunately, all blame has now fallen on the parents. The discussion has turned to forced marriages, parental pressure, and lack of communication between parents and children…
To a certain extent, yes. Our society still believes in controlling our children, disciplining them in the weirdest ways, not letting daughters talk to boys, burdening them with the weight of family honour, all of this, just to marry them off to a stranger.
Perhaps Siya was petrified. Perhaps her parents tried to persuade her into a visibly rich alliance. Perhaps her family totally disapproved of her boyfriend.
A leading psychologist, in fact, spoke on the news, and according to her analysis, Siya doesn’t look forced. She isn’t under house arrest, she meets her boyfriend and her fiancé, she looks pretty independent, so there’s no point in accusing the parents, says the doctor.
WHATEVER IT MAY BE, NOTHING, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, JUSTIFIES MURDER. PERIOD.
The Mayank Lohar Case
Let me now shift focus to another case that sent shockwaves across all of Mumbai.
22-year-old Mayank Lohar, another youngster, almost the same age as my son, got into a Mumbai Local. As it began raining heavily, he requested a fellow passenger to close the compartment door. Valid point, all he wanted was to stop rainwater from coming in. The burly fellow passenger refused, an argument ensued, and in a fit of rage, this man brandished a knife at Mayank and stabbed him to death.
While other passengers stood watching, some shooting videos, none stepped forward to help.
Just another day, Mumbai’s first rains, a local train, a family waiting back home, but Mayank never returned.
Here’s the link to the story
Mumbai local train murder accused confesses to stabbing; remanded till June 29 – The Hindu
Discussions, Conversations, Possible Reasons
Discussions with my friends, conversations on FB and some other platforms reveal that it’s not just me. Many of us, as mothers are worried. Most of us communicate well with our children, but then, they are influenced more by friends and social media. OTT content, with it’s intolerable violence, abusive language, easy access, and zero censorship, is perhaps one of the triggers. The very casual portrayal of brutal murders, chopping heads and bodies, getting away with killing, all are extremely commonplace on television these days. Not just TV, mind you, such gore and cuss are available on their mobile phones too.
The Future?
We, are a Normal, middle-class family.
To what extent should I pry into my son’s private life?
How much talking is communication?
I forever advised him to stand up for himself, should I now tell him to be quiet and mind his own business?
Can I rest assured that Once He Leaves Home For College, My Son Will Return, Safe and Alive?
Will Ketan and Mayank ever Get Justice?
As many of my friends echo, positive minds, positive vibes, hope and prayers…Perhaps the only way we can cope.
By Preethi Warrier
Preethi Warrier has completed her Masters in Electronics Engineering and is an Assistant Professor. She is one among the winners of the TOI Write India Campaign Season-1, for the famous author Anita Nair. She can be contacted at : warrier.preethi@yahoo.com
