Dear Bapa,
It’s no secret that daughters have a special place in their daddy’s heart and fathers are the first love of every girl. I am no exception to the rule. You were my hero, my unconditional cheerleader, my moral compass, you saw me for who I am and gave me far too much credit than I deserve. I have discussed pretty much everything under the blue sky with you – your idea of happiness, your disappointments, your wins, what pains you, what matters in life, my aspirations, my stupid questions and even my crushes and heartbreaks too!
But there are a few very important moments and facts, I never had a chance to tell you. Barring a few emails to you that I religiously signed with “love you”, I never really told you how much I do love you! I know it was an unspoken understanding, but I wish I had irritated and embarrassed you by being super vocal about it!
I never told you that my only memory of you with tears in your kind eyes was when you told me about a little barefooted girl trying to catch up with her mom. It was in the scorching heat of Indian summer that a destitute woman was carrying her infant daughter in one hand and a bag in another, while trying to hustle the little girl to get to wherever they were headed to. You said you stopped them and offered them food and water which they gratefully consumed while sitting on our porch for a much-needed break. I still remember for a fleeting moment, how I could feel the lump in your throat and see your eyes well up while telling me the story before you regained your composure. However, it was long enough for me to notice and remember it like it was just yesterday.
I never mentioned how delighted I was when the night before my wedding, mom came to hug me tight (which she does so often, being the more expressive parent) and surprisingly you came by, hugged us both together for almost a couple of minutes. It felt so weird and equally amazing because you never really showed your love through hugs, except for those quick two seconds’ welcome-home-hugs that were few and far between! I still reminisce that moment fondly, ever so often!
I never told you that every time I listen to the song “Aa chal ke tujhe, main leke Chalu ek aise gagan ke taley”, I can almost hear you whistling to its tune with a bright smile on your face. I never told you that this is the first Hindi song that I taught my baby girl to recite. And that I would give anything to see you both humming it together for just once.
I never got to tell you how I still remember when you called me in the middle of the night from the hospital and said “Sorry, it must be late for you but I am feeling really strong today, so wanted to let you know that I am recovering well”. That was the happiest moment of the preceding 5 weeks of tests, diagnosis, surgery and your post-op recovery. I can’t even begin to say how many times I have played this in my mind ever since. Never in my worst nightmare had I imagined that it would be our last conversation. I love you and I miss you every single day – I wish I said this to you every time we spoke. But I know, you knew! Cliched it is but yes, I am Daddy’s little girl – till I die.
By Anonymous
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