“I have so much love to give, why should I give it to just one person?”
Actor Shahana Goswami recently said this in a podcast while speaking about being in consensual open relationships. She has openly shared that she has more than one romantic partner, and that everyone involved is aware of the arrangement. There is transparency, honesty and consent, which of course makes it very different from cheating.
For a few seconds, though, I genuinely wondered if I had heard it correctly.
Sharing is caring. We grew up hearing that. But sharing romantic love with many people at the same time?
It reminded me of something relationship therapist Esther Perel often says – Monogamy once meant one partner for life; today, for many people, it means one partner at a time.
And then there is that memorable scene from Dear Zindagi, where Shah Rukh Khan’s character talks about how we expect one person to be everything for us – friend, confidant, caregiver, cheerleader, lover, emotional support system. Perhaps that is one reason so many relationships struggle under the weight of expectations.
Not settling down with one person immediately, that, I understand.
Society has changed. Relationships have changed. People want to know themselves better before committing. They want certainty before making life-altering decisions.
But what I struggle to understand is how one gives enough time, attention, emotional energy and presence to multiple romantic relationships at the same time?
Romantic relationships are not casual investments. They require communication, compromise, emotional labour, care and accountability. Even one meaningful relationship can sometimes feel overwhelming.
How does one stay genuinely available for several people at once?
Perhaps there are rules. Boundaries. Honest conversations. Clear agreements. Maybe everyone involved understands the expectations.
And perhaps it works well for some people.
Yet I find myself wondering about the idea behind it. If the reason is that we have so much love to give, aren’t there already so many relationships in our lives where that love can flow?
Parents. Children. Siblings. Friends. Colleagues. Mentors. Communities. Causes we care about.
Love is not a limited resource, but romantic relationships are not the only place where love can be expressed. So why do we need multiple romantic relationships to accommodate all that love? That is the part I find difficult to understand.
Maybe the answer is not about having more love. Maybe it is about wanting different kinds of intimacy, connection and companionship from different people.
Or maybe the very definition of relationships is changing faster than many of us can keep up with.
Will society slowly move in this direction? I don’t know.
When we say we have a lot of love within us, I always thought it meant pouring ourselves deeply into the person we choose. Giving our best. Showing up consistently.
Perhaps both ideas can coexist.
And perhaps the real question is not how much love we have to give.
The real question is how many people we can truly care for, consistently, honestly and wholeheartedly, when we choose too many to satisfy all our desires..
Perhaps part of the conversation is also about the times we live in.
We live in a world where options are endless. We have countless choices in careers, cities, lifestyles, friendships and even identities. The idea that one person should fulfil all our emotional and romantic needs can sometimes feel restrictive to those who value variety and personal freedom.
Yet there is another side to that argument. Some of life’s most meaningful experiences come not from having more choices, but from choosing deeply. Depth often requires sacrifice. Commitment asks us to stay, even when alternatives exist. It asks us to invest time and attention in one bond and allow it to grow through different seasons of life.
Every relationship, whether monogamous or open, ultimately faces the same challenge – sustaining trust. Attraction may come naturally, but trust is built slowly through consistency, reliability and emotional presence. That is what makes me curious. Not the number of partners someone has, but whether the quality of the connection can remain as strong when emotional energy is divided among several people.
Perhaps that is where opinions differ. Some people believe love expands when shared. Others believe love deepens when concentrated. Neither view is necessarily right or wrong. But it does reveal how differently we understand intimacy, commitment and what it means to truly belong to one another.
( Photos – Google and Generated)
By Vedaprana Purkayastha
The Founder of The She Saga Foundation, Vedaprana, is a Social Entrepreneur and a Psychological Counselor. She writes on topics that touch her heart and stir her soul. She can be contacted at vedaprana.p@gmail.com
5 Responses
Even I cannot see eye to eye with Shahana Goswami. I agree with you when you say that depth is preferred over number and that it takes years of commitment to build one romantic relationship. It leaves me disturbed when someone claims about an open relationship.
May be we are old school at heart and generation Z thinks differently.
It’s all about how we see it, I think the society that we live in has made us conform to the kind of relationships we should have which is why we have a tough time accepting whenever anything is out of the box or not considered to be normal or a taboo. Being open about your feelings without hurting anyone in the process is not as easy as it seems as love today is often associated with convenience.
The society we live in is evolving everyday. While I may not agree with this viewpoint of multiple romantic partners, I can make space in my mind for someone who does. However, what to me matters most is how much attention and care we give to our relationships, be it for a partner, a child, a parent, a friend. If there is lack of attention and affection, the number ceases to make any difference.
Well…good for her!!
But celebrities should speak responsibly.
As for us the mortal beings, it’s better to selectively take them seriously.
Articles that deliberate on and discuss controversial ideas and opinions actually enable us to visualize the dynamics of a constantly evolving society and this one is a potent instance of the same.
However, in my opinion, such arrangements may have always existed but it is only now that they are being openly expressed and variedly evaluated.