“There is no rulebook for being a perfect mother but a million ways to be a good one.”
Mothers are home. They are our shelter from the world—a refuge we all seek when life deals us a tough round. Be it in humans or animals, the maternal instinct is one of love, care, and a fiercely protective nature. Each mother is different, and yet, somewhere, they are just the same.
My oldest memories with my mother
From a very tender age, I have very distinct memories of my mother. Simple acts like giving me my daily glass of milk, scolding me for bringing dirt into the house, staying up with me when I was down with a high fever, revising my answers with me in the kitchen while she cooked. She wasn’t a towering presence in the house—she still isn’t. But her presence and her principles enveloped me in a way that I cannot truly describe. Getting less than expected marks in any subject used to feel like I had disappointed her, even when I knew she would just calmly ask me to do better and leave it at that. In those days, when only a small percentage of women managed both a home and a job, she used to do both while caring for the family. It made me proud at one point in time; today, I realize that as a family, we did not ease the burden enough.
Who is a good mother?
Today, I am a mother myself. What characteristics make a good mother? Who determines who are ideal mothers? Is it women who place everything and everybody above themselves and climb the altar of sacrifice? Or is it women who have perfectly mannered children? Or is it women who can brave the constant barbs of society and still maintain their sanity?
I am a mother and am surrounded by many more of my tribe. The first thing I notice among us is our sense of independence. After a generation that spent their lives appeasing husbands and in-laws in a society that continually judged them, we are a generation of women who have given ourselves the independence to think freely, laugh in abundance, miss some child-related commitments but still be brave enough to face the next day. Most of us have supportive spouses and families less prone to judgment (which is a huge blessing).
Accepting our mistakes
Somewhere above this is the fact that we sometimes make mistakes.
I sometimes shout at my child. I sometimes spoil him. I sometimes fail to fulfil a promise, and I make up at other times. I give him space to breathe and be himself. I also monitor his moves when risks are involved. I give him freedom, but I keep reminding him where he needs to be careful. Owning our mistakes, we move on.
We all need to take a moment to ponder why women need to have a child to be complete—they do not. No woman needs to stop caring for herself to be a mother. She has friends, she has likes, she has a profession, she has a home, she has sicknesses, she has moods, she gets angry—while being a wonderful mother too. The world is normalizing this; let us not fall behind.
Times have changed… so have we
Today, when I talk to my mother, we discuss parenting tips, recipes, gossip, and whatnot—but we never compare ourselves as mothers. Sacrifice cannot be the yardstick for measuring love, whether mine or my child’s. Above everything, I feel blessed to hear her voice and receive her love and endless support.
No mother is perfect. But a mother needs to be present, hear her child, and love him unconditionally. Each mother is different, and so is every child, so the dynamics keep shifting, but the trust need not waver.
I am an imperfect mother. But I hope that one day I can raise a son who cares for his friends, loves and respects his family, and grows up into a beautiful human being.
Happy Mother’s Day! Today and every day.
Manobina Nanda Ganguly
Manobina is a Computer Engineer by profession, working for over two decades. An avid reader since childhood, she loves reading both fictions and non fictions. She can be reached at manobina@gmail.com.
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