To the world, she is stagnant! To me, she is a survivor.
Eva kept staring at her phone, opening his WhatsApp chat countless times, as if something might change. There was no status update, no Instagram story, no shared thread. Despite all the chores, emails, and deadlines awaiting her, she remained fixated on that lifeless phone, feeling restless and trapped. It was surprising, if not painful, to see an ambitious, driven girl like her so lost, heartbroken, and weighed down by a single message.
Eva was the girl everyone envied. Beauty, brains, and a kind heart—she had it all. She was the type every boy dreamt of, destined for success, happiness, and admiration. She was hardworking, and Lady Luck often smiled on her. She usually got what she wanted because she put in the effort and made things happen. Perhaps that’s why she couldn’t cope with rejection.
She met her soulmate during her internship—or so she thought.
They seemed to be the perfect couple, admired by everyone who saw them together.
Life took on a new brightness. From the good-morning texts and green-tea dates to choosing her dress colors, kajal style, and lipstick shade, her days were filled with shared rituals. Text messages became voice notes, then FaceTime calls. He adored watching her get ready, loved the way she played with her long hair—sometimes sleek and straight, other times tied in a high bun or cascading in soft curls. She was always experimenting, from dark brown balayages to copper-red highlights, from tidy corporate styles to messy updos. Whether she wore tiny studs, long jhumkas, or hand-painted neckpieces, he admired her every look. For the first time, she felt cherished and deeply seen. She began to imagine herself as part of those romantic reels, reimagining all the beautiful lines couples would say to each other. Life had never felt so magical.
Perhaps this is why people fall in love: to discover new dimensions of themselves, to begin noticing the finer details of life. But every beautiful beginning faces a rough patch, a kind of speed bump. If you survive that, then maybe it’s meant to last. They were united in heart, and it was time to make it official. They decided on a date, discussing the venue, food, outfits, poses, and guest list, continually revising and refining the details. As the day approached, Eva found herself yearning for him more intensely. Her work was affected, and she began to feel lost and lethargic. A creeping loneliness took hold, and she started to sense that he was pulling away. Messages that used to get instant blue ticks or at least an emoji response now went unseen for hours. She kept asking herself what had gone wrong.
How could someone so loving suddenly turn cold? How could they replace you so easily?
Her heart no longer knew peace; she was always anxious and exhausted. Her vibrant smile faded along with her curves. Her hair lost its shine, and her lip color seemed to pale. Most of all, she was losing herself. Each night, she’d resolve to focus on herself, reset her priorities, and move forward. She’d write in her diary, reprimand herself to behave, yell into the silence, pull her hair in frustration, and cry until she felt emptied out, finally promising herself that tomorrow would be a new day. But that tomorrow never arrived; each day repeated the same agonizing cycle.
Her new routine was to relive their memories together, smiling at the way he’d treated her, remembering how she was once the queen of his life. She would turn on his favorite music, slip on her heels, and imagine dancing, resting her head on his shoulder, only to wake up to the reality that he was no longer there. Tears would fall quietly, pain would pierce her chest, her heart felt like it would stop, and she’d struggle to catch her breath, crying until she collapsed in exhaustion, waking up alone hours later with red, swollen eyes, a pounding head, and a gnawing ache in her stomach.
Eva knew heartbreak was difficult, but she never anticipated that it could feel so unbearable, that the pain would make it impossible even to pick up the broken pieces of herself. When people leave, they don’t just walk away; they take a part of you with them. And you are never the same as you were with them. Eva could no longer be that same ambitious, trailblazing woman. She needed answers to her unspoken questions.
To the world, she remained that brave, strong Leo girl, but to him, she had been a timid, tamed lion cub.
Eva glanced at her phone once more. Years had passed since he’d blocked her. She had no idea where he was or why he’d left so abruptly, with no chance for closure or explanation. She pulled out her diary and wrote:
“Finally, I found my therapy, my remedy for all my anxiety, panic attacks, overthinking, and mood swings. It’s him. Can anyone bring him to me? Maybe then I could sleep in peace.”
Eva could never fully heal from the trauma of his absence, the essence of his companionship and belonging lingering within her. It may seem futile, but it takes an unfathomable amount of strength to continue surviving on the hope of a person who can never truly be yours and who may never return.
By Dr Nirza Saikia
Dr Nirza Saikia, Obstetrician and Gynaecologist, is currently working at Digboi Civil hospital. Also a Rotarian, she has served as Secretary and Editor Editor. Her areas of interest are to ensure health care facilities at remote areas, writing and traveling. She is reachable at: nirzasaikia@gmail.com
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