Who doesn’t like to have choices?
Ask a child whether they want to wear a blue or red shirt, or whether they want strawberry or chocolate ice cream, and you’ll get a quick reply. But ask an average Indian woman about choices, and many often feel distressed about it.
Common Dilemmas:
- Higher studies or marriage?
- Career or kids?
- Parents or in-laws?
- Maika or Sasural?
This struggle is ongoing for many of us; no wonder most of us feel like stretched rubber bands, almost about to snap, thanks to being pulled apart by two extremes in the name of choice. This conflict between two equally important options is the source of dissatisfaction and frustration for most women. How many of us have actually wished that someone else could make these difficult choices for us? Or wished that we didn’t have choices at all? Or asked, “Why me?”
Standing at the Crossroads
Many of us have stood at a crossroads, looking at two roads ahead, unable to choose one, sometimes for months, years, or decades, often wondering why life is so unfair. I have been at such crossroads myself many times in life, wishing that I could run and hide somewhere far away, where I didn’t have difficult choices to make. But escapism does not work in reality; it makes decisions harder and navigating those decisions tougher.
Is There an Easy Way Out?
Instead of one or the other, can I have it all? Yes, many say. But there is a practical problem here—time. Demands on our time dictate our choices. Instead of stretching ourselves thin between two choices, is there a more sensible way to deal with them? Over many years, I have found two solutions to this problem—two very effective ways to find answers easily.
Solution 1: ERASE
Just use a mental eraser to erase the conditioning, the guilt, the shame, the societal rules, the expectations, and the unreal standards. Most of us take mental notes since childhood about what is right and what is wrong, about what is good and what is bad, what is duty and what are obligations, and society just underlines and highlights them again and again. Sometimes, it even overwrites on those notes, blurring any kind of clarity. This kind of subconscious conditioning is so strong that even those of us with a clear perspective lose it sometimes. As we grow older, this can unknowingly complicate our choices too.
We all need a mental eraser because if we have to write our own story, we first need a blank slate. The next time someone lays down the rules of being a good mother, a dutiful daughter-in-law, or reprimands you for not parenting “properly,” keep what you feel is right and erase the rest. A clean slate mind is the best asset to empower a person to make the right choice. If destination A is career and destination B is family, do yourself a favor and please don’t carry any map. Instead, walk freely, explore those paths, and be open to the possibilities and difficulties that lie ahead. Do not think about obligations and duty. Instead, think about who actually needs you at that particular point in time and what will bring you peace and happiness. If the choice is about being a strict parent or a lenient parent, ditch that rulebook that dictates how mothers should act and instead rely on your gut feeling because who knows your child better than you? The cleaner your slate is, the easier it becomes to take tough decisions.
Solution 2: Learn to Say “I AM ENOUGH”
Many of us are subconsciously programmed to seek external validation, whether it is a nod of agreement, an acknowledgment of our efforts, worthy words of praise, or sometimes just validation of our emotions. But truth be told, many women in our country don’t get even these, even when they more than deserve it. So we should make an effort to seek it when it doesn’t come our way, but it would be even better if we learned to live and thrive without any validation at all.
- Self-Validation: You don’t need to hear from others that you are a good DIL, daughter, wife, or mother if you genuinely feel and believe that you are very good in all the roles you play. You don’t need your boss to validate that you are a good employee if you really feel so from within you.
- Enjoy Your Own Company: You will not feel lonely and lost if you truly begin to enjoy your own company.
- Self-Love: You will not feel the need to hear words of praise from anyone if you pat your own back. You don’t seek love and care desperately from anyone if you learn to love yourself and take care of your needs physically, mentally, and emotionally. You learn not to depend on others for your happiness if you start finding it within you.
Saying “I am enough” when it matters can be extremely empowering and liberating. It gives a sense of completeness, a sense of being in control, and a feeling of taking the power into your own hands. Saying “I am enough” puts you in the driver’s seat rather than being a mere passenger in life. This makes many decisions and choices a little less complicated and a little more gratifying.
Embrace Your Journey
So ladies, next time you find yourself at a difficult junction with a seemingly impossible choice between two things, both of which matter to you, clean your slate and learn to say “I am enough.” You might discover that you will travel light and enjoy the journey, no matter what road you choose.
Happy living!
By Sowmya Bharathi
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