April is Stress Awareness Month.
There are many causes of stress.
Words intended to insult or abuse is a consequential cause of stress.
We know it. We hear it. We feel it. But we do NOT acknowledge it.
Do you agree?
Scarred by Words?
It was almost accidentally that I happened to watch Season 2 of the Hoichoi Bengali series, Lojja, yesterday night. Season 1 of the series had presented a very pressing issue – the permeating presence of verbal abuse in everyday relationships and how it is unknowingly accepted under the guise of matrimony, motherhood or even mundaneness.
In the first season, we had encountered the naïve wife, Jaya, who failed to comprehend the fact that she was a victim and that verbal abuse was for real. She was suffering from severe stress all the time, which led her to forget things, feel low or lost and be gaslighted till she was caught in acts that questioned her stability and soundness of mind.
While Jaya’s harrowing husband had succeeded in turning her into a neurotic mess, her family members, including her mother-in-law, her mother and sister too, refused to see the scars that could be hidden but never healed. The painful separation from her only daughter further aggravated her distress and left her devastated.
At this crucial juncture, a colleague at the NGO where Jaya worked, Mou and her lawyer friend, Surjo, came to Jaya’s rescue. The Season ends with Jaya prepared to confront her abuser legally and look forward to a life of freedom and self-respect.
A Surge in Stress!
Season 2 of Lojja begins with Jaya screaming for “HELP!” Isn’t that what every stressed person is seeking relentlessly and just too many of them have no access to it?
The competent lawyer friend, Surjo, has died in Jaya’s lap, literally, in a resort, away from the city, and once again, Jaya is exposed to ruthless verbal abuse. After all, being a married woman, she is found with another man (who is not her husband) in a room at night! That is enough to overlook the tragedy and lay the woman bare to callous conjecture and scathing criticism. She is labelled a ‘beshha’ (prostitute) and a ‘whore’ and her meek replies are thwarted by stinging stares and caustic comments.
The director and actor have done a brilliant job in capturing the physical changes that one undergoes during moments of acute pressure and emotional strain. Whenever words that violate her modesty are hurled at her, Jaya turns pale, her hands tremble, she feels breathless and there is a noticeable withdrawal of the self. Be it the investigating police officer, her husband or Surjo’s lawyer-wife, not one hesitates to cast aspersions on Jaya’s character. Even her brother and sister-in-law, her only allies up till now, turn against her.
Home is Where Your Value lies…
Every woman has two homes but not one had the expanse to accommodate the servile and suffering Jaya. The reason is simple yet suffocating. Even today, the invisible scars are not as valid as the visible ones. But then sometimes help arrives from unknown quarters. Advocate Amartya Sengupta, a veteran lawyer, unexpectedly, takes up Jaya’s case as she embarks on her journey to build her nest and her name.
While the abettors of abuse have changed, words continue to humiliate and harass Jaya. In the new neighborhood, it is either the ‘parar chele’ (local boys, rather riff-raff) or the concerned ‘protibeshi’ (neighbor) that she has to dodge daily till she is determined to no longer disregard or dismiss them. In the courtroom too, she has to face the professional and personal attacks of Sneha, late Surjo’s lawyer-wife, whom Jaya’s husband has aptly appointed to fight his case.
Right Words to Reduce Stress…
For the first time, Jaya braces herself to not let words tear or traumatise her. Instead, she taps into the power of words to heal and harden her. “Ami Parbo” (I Can) are two fundamental words, which she repeats to herself every time her past trauma resurfaces but can such stress disorders be effectively eradicated? Perhaps not. Words, can, however, lower or lessen stress and so when her psychologist tells her, “I’m so so proud of you,” we can be certain that there has been a shift in the person and her perspective.
Finally, after elaborate courtroom confrontation, the ace lawyer, Amartya Sengupta, demands ‘Justice for Jaya and Treatment for Partha (Jaya’s husband)’. But in real life, how often do we chance upon such a just culmination? Mostly, the victim is counselled and treated while her perpetrator roams free and fine.
Shame Should Change Sides!
Shame is solely for the offender and never otherwise has to be normalised for every Jaya to vent out years of her pent-up pain:
“Mon jemon dekha jay na…Moner kalshite gulo dekha jay na…shomostho kothar jonyo amar mone je eto kalshite joma hoyeche…”
(The imperceptible quality of the mind extends to the agony that is inflicted on it. Both can neither be perceived nor projected.)
The verdict is given along with the reminder. Domestic violence is not limited to physical abuse. It includes mental and verbal abuse as well and each one of them is a punishable offence.
Stress Awareness for Everyone…
Let us educate people about the causes and effects of stress.
Let us admit that abuse of words can contribute to stress or exacerbation of mental problems.
Let us identify stressful situations even if they are being created within our own homes.
Let us address the issue early and seek help to prevent irreparable damage.
Let us encourage candid conversations and offer support to manage stress.
The theme for Stress Awareness Month 2025 is #LeadWithLove.
All that the world needs now is a little love and a lot of compassion, which can begin by respecting others and accepting ourselves.
By Promita Banerjee Nag
An avid word enthusiast and content-churner, Promita is fuelled by novel writings, ideas and light-hearted banter. A teacher by passion, she treads the path of unequivocal learning with and through her students. Mother, music and ‘mishti’ mostly convince her. If you wish for a tête-à-tête, feel free to reach out to her at promita033@gmail.com.
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