Outgrowing The Comfort Zone

There is this job that I wanted to interview for, but I just didn’t seem to be able to fit it into my schedule. This new opportunity to buy cheap real estate just came up, but I am so used to being in this house, maybe that’s not for me. So many restaurants are opening in our area, but we still end up eating at the same old one.

Let us be real. We all have our comfort zones. For some, it is the familiar feeling of home, for others, a stagnant job with all known faces, few love the comfort of old clothes and well-known restaurants. But for all there is something which they want to hold on to, something that keeps them comfortable and gives them a sense of security and wellbeing, however much it may be unfounded. And then one day, life throws a curve-ball and your comfort zone, you lovingly created over the years, disappears in a jiffy, and you realise, the only way across the river is to swim right through it!

What happens when the comfort zone vanishes?

I left home for studies at the age of 17, a young impressionable age if there was one. From being an only child in a loving family, the apple of their eye for my parents and grandparents, I was now in a world of the unknown. Where to stay, what to eat, how to get to college daily, where to arrange for basic amenities, there were so many questions and hurdles to negotiate.

From a small town where I used to cycle to school through streets I knew like the back of my hand, I was now in a sea of automobiles and public transport, each fighting for space in the morning commute. From getting my meals and snacks from well-known sources at home, which got filled like clockwork automatically, I was now expected to buy and arrange for my own; failure to do so meant going without.

I was learning to wade, before I could dream of swimming, every day was a challenge, and amidst it all was the realisation at the back of my mind, realising how good I had had it and not truly understood the significance.

Adapting to the Buzzing City

Gradually, I did what any living being in an unaccustomed environment does. I adapted. To this day, I feel that the biggest challenge for someone in my place was learning to navigate the city; once that is mastered, the rest comes quite easily. My father who till date is my pillar of strength, had taught me few tips about public transport and how to check the routes, whom to trust when seeking directions and all, but he truly doesn’t know the number of times I took the right bus but in the wrong direction, or boarded the metro and missed my stop or ran after an auto and took a tumble on the road. Some information is better not shared. But what I gained is experience, and with time got the right perspective on how to deal with various situations like getting stranded in the rain, missing breakfast and sneaking out during class to grab a sandwich. 

Things I gained which are not quantifiable

Friends for life – In college and at my place of stay. The boys and girls I befriended helped me navigate the tough days with relative ease. They had their own insecurities and difficulties, but together we were stronger and braver. The cocky boys, the prudish girls, the tomboys, the rule breakers, the rich brats, the cheapskates, we had them all. And today, when we are all in our middle age, I can truthfully say, life without having known them all would be incomplete. Most of us are still friends, we celebrate the achievements of our children if not our own, we share gossip on WhatsApp, we catch up when we can, but we know that we are friends for life.

Handling a Monthly Budget – Whenever I visited home, like most young people in my shoes, I returned with several packets of food and money to hold me through till my next visit. While bank accounts were common in those days, ATM cards were not, and good old cash was the key for most transactions, as mobile payment was a thing in the future. Handling cash and planning on how to work out all expenses and still have leftover cash for movies and street food, this was something that truly made me feel adult! And made me a bargaining specialist when buying stuff from the roadside hawkers. 

Learning to Think on one’s feet – When you deal with many variables, what you learn quickly is how to plan for alternative paths. To always have a Plan B. Making quick decisions becomes like second nature, and you are ready to deal with change. This is invaluable in later life when we deal with real-life situations which can change at any minute.

Never to misuse freedom – It is presumptuous to think that a young person comes to live away from home and does all the right things and never strays. They do. And it is part of growing up. But what matters is owning up to transgressions and being responsible enough to never take unnecessary risks with anything. This is where the unshakable confidence of the parent plays a major role, when the parent asks without accusing their child, and accepts an apology or explanation calmly, advises but doesn’t deride, it makes a world of difference. We gradually learn that we are responsible now, and freedom is also to be handled responsibly.

Accepting Things you cannot change and Changing things you cannot accept – When my mother used to send me filled lunch boxes to school, she had always imbued me with important values which I could only appreciate much later. She used to say, you may or may not like the food that day, and you have a right to request something else next time, but never fail to value the person or the effort. She had not spoiled me into thinking that I deserved all that and more, but only when I received half-cooked meals at times later on in life, I realised that patience or acceptance of one’s situation is important, until one has the power to change or improve it. It is important that we learn to differentiate between the value and price of things early on in life. It helps set a perspective on what is truly essential. And in future prioritize things that went wrong before.

Biggest takeaways

Today, when it’s been over two decades since I did my college education and have been working with a multinational company since right after, I look back at those days very fondly. What had initially seemed like a daunting task has helped shape me into the person I am today. I am still impulsive, emotional and a bit of a rule breaker, but I am also a confident woman who knows that she has the ability to handle any new situation, city or predicament. The friends I made then are pillars on whom I still lean, and the experience I gained is something that still guides me every day.

In my opinion, family gives you values and tries to guide you on the path to honesty and success. Alongside this, being away from home for even a short while and learning to adapt to new people and new places gives you real-life experience on how to face life head-on. There are different views on this, as there are different kinds of people.

In the end, all birds leave their nest one day; they need to learn how to fly, but evening brings them back to what always matters most.

Manobina Nanda Ganguly

Manobina is a Computer Engineer by profession, working for over two decades. An avid reader since childhood, she loves reading both fictions and non fictions. She can be reached at manobina@gmail.com.