A Father’s Unseen Struggle
A father sits in front of me. One child, feverish, rests on his lap, while another tugs at his sleeve, demanding attention. The child with the fever cries, drooling on the father’s shirt. The father, unkempt and unshaven, has clearly not slept in the last 24 hours. Yet, he patiently calms the elder child with the promise of a treat and coos to the younger one, showing infinite patience.
The Fathers Who Stayed
This father has stayed behind. The mother works in a hospital in the Gulf. The father lost his job during the COVID-19 pandemic and moved back to Kerala with the children. As a pediatrician in Central Travancore, where many families have members working in the Gulf, I have met scores of fathers like him. The scenario of a mother working abroad and the father staying home is common here, as nursing jobs are easier to secure and well-paid.
Nature vs. Nurture
Traditionally, nurturing and caring for the young has been a female role, from the hunter-gatherers of the savannah to the modern-day urban jungle. Women are seen as naturally equipped with the tenderness and love required for child-rearing. Yet, here we have men who step into this role, doing something they are not traditionally “wired” to do.
Societal Pressures
These men do not have it easy. Not only are they performing a role society doesn’t expect them to, but they also face scrutiny and judgment from their own families. A mother might not be happy with her son acting as a surrogate mother, making comments to inflame his ego and alienate him from his wife: “Tell her how hard a time you’re having here,” “Ask her to send more money,” “Tell her that you’re doing her job.”
Societal Judgment
The society, quick to pounce on any deviation from the norm, often views these men as weak, henpecked, or living off their wives’ wages. They become the butt of many cruel jokes. Yet, these men toil on, driven by love and duty to their families.
Daily Challenges
These fathers face numerous challenges. They might bring a daughter who has just attained puberty to the doctor, requesting a female doctor to explain the changes. They deal with sons who suddenly turn belligerent. They cook, clean, look after the children, and care for aged parents.
The Passage of Time
Years pass. The wife comes home on vacations. Sometimes, they grow apart, and bitterness sets in. The wife might even feel resentment, believing he has a cushy life. Resentment can sour relationships, and some men turn to other sources for comfort. However, some couples navigate the rough seas of life as a team.
Silent Sacrifices
Slowly, these fathers age. The once bright-eyed young men become lined and tired. Life passes by for them, their sacrifices largely unnoticed.
Celebrating Unsung Heroes
Let us take a moment to celebrate these men – unsung heroes who, like the mothers who had to leave, live in splintered families. Let their sacrifices not be forgotten.
The fathers who stay behind face a unique set of challenges and societal judgments. Their silent sacrifices for their families make them true heroes, deserving of recognition and respect.
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