Many say that being a mother is one of the hardest jobs ever. It begins with giving up a lot of yourself. From giving up the pre-motherhood body to fit in the baby that grows for nine months to giving up time, freedom, interests, relationships, career, desires and even emotions to become a mother. The list is endless. And this is just the beginning. Once a baby is born, you continue being a mother and take on various facets till it grows and blossoms into an adult. Motherhood is never-ending and self-consuming. Mothers just give up who they are after they become one.
It is also said that it takes a village to raise a child. But what if more mothers came forward and shared their experiences and understood each other?
Our TSS tribe shares their views. Is it all about sacrifice? Or is it a responsibility?
Embracing Motherhood: A Conscious Choice, Filled With Love, Not Sacrifice
Motherhood is a conscious choice that we make in our lives. One should know beforehand the challenges. I have seen many around me who thought a child could be raised by grandparents all alone and forget the pivotal role of a mother in a child’s life. You need to let go of certain habits/ choices for the sake of the child but you should do this wholeheartedly and not out of compulsion. There is no Bible for motherhood and everyone has a different journey.
Conscious Choices, Not Sacrifices
Motherhood is sacred. I wouldn’t like to call any of my acts a sacrifice. They were conscious choices I made because one thing I owe to my children is ‘Being Present’. To achieve this, I have juggled and also prioritised. Presence is not mere physical proximity, but also being present to their emotions, thoughts, ideas, and expectations. Only when I’m present, I can offer them an alternate perspective that will widen their thinking horizon.
It Wasn’t A Sacrifice: A Mother’s Answer
My daughter had once asked me “Ma, why did you sacrifice everything for raising me?”
I told her, “My dear, I never thought that I had sacrificed anything as it was my passion, my joy, love and the best job in my life.”
Motherhood by Choice: A Circle of Life
It’s our own Choice. We have options too! Remain childless and jio apni jindegi. But then we become selfish and think there will be someone to take care of us when we are old. Life is a big circle. We are just dependent on each other. I will never call my act a sacrifice. Whatever I did gave me satisfaction, the satisfaction of giving birth, creating a human and nurturing it.
Letting Go and Holding On – A Journey
Yes, some are sacrifices. Whenever you sacrifice one of your important things in life for them, it should be for something worthwhile, with your full heart, like you shouldn’t regret it later. Sacrifices and duties apart, I believe in prioritizing myself too, at times over the child. If he belongs to an age where he can manage by himself, I believe in letting him be.
Beyond Duty’s Call
Sacrifice any day. By calling it duty we are simply undervaluing our roles. When a soldier dies while doing his/her duty… don’t we call it a sacrifice? Or do we just move on saying “Oh that was just his/her job”?
Prioritizing Self-Care for a Fulfilling Motherhood
Statutory Warning First: I’m not a mom.
I believe there are no hard and fast rules for prioritising things in life. Priorities are bound to change. It can’t be women’s responsibility to prioritise their children over themselves. First thing first, you can’t pour from an empty cup. The answer lies in your question itself, do we call it sacrifice or responsibility? The very fact that prioritising children’s needs all the time can feel sacrificial is what your answer lies in. If it feels sacrificial (and that shouldn’t give any mom any guilt trip), it is draining you somewhere and maybe because relegating yourself to the secondary position always is not a happy decision to make. We all have our personal needs, and sometimes they can be our primary needs too. I strongly believe that this can be fought best by adjusting priorities.
If your children have examinations to face and need your guidance, or if any of them is taken ill, it’s better to prioritise them for a while, manage the situation as best as you can but then come back to yourself and pamper yourself for a while. Listen to your own needs. There’s a chance that what sometimes feels sacrificial today may feel even more strongly so in future if someday your care is not reciprocated. And who doesn’t know, family doesn’t reciprocate the way we expect them to! It’s a bitter reality. So while we live, may we make merry, and prioritise ourselves before we burn out, that’s it.
Unseen Struggles of Working Mothers
Nobody understands the struggles of a mother except a mother. If you are a working mother, there is criticism which will make you feel guilty always. Why should only a mother sacrifice is my question? If both father and mother are earning and thinking about a better future for their children, then shouldn’t the respect also be the same for both parents?
When Sacrifice Becomes Shared Understanding
Motherhood is one of the most beautiful journeys of a woman’s life. This journey is a choice which demands lifelong responsibility and commitment. While fulfilling responsibility a mother often sacrifices her own needs to prioritise her child’s needs. Every mother has her way to bring up a child however according to me a child must be aware of the sacrifices that her/his mother makes to provide them a secure and happy life. A happy mother can bring up a happy child. There’s nothing wrong with calling a few acts as sacrifices.
The Juggling Act
It is a blend of both. As kids, we feel it was our mother’s duty to do for us but as mothers, we realise, it was their will and love for us. Once I became a parent, I knew how the thought process works. It was our conscious decision to bring our children into this world. Hence, it’s our responsibility to give them the best we can, but we have one life. Living it to the fullest is what we desire. That is where the catch lies – balancing motherhood and self. It is an art and a challenge!
The unrealistic image of the mother as someone who gives her all only serves in over-glorification of the role, which sets impossible standards for mothers.
Mothering is challenging, and remember as mothers, we are not martyrs, nor should we expect ourselves to be.
Facebook Comments