“Look how these kids say anything…. just anything to parents!” The exasperated comments from the grandparents are met with wide smiles. “No….there isn’t anything to smile about!” They aren’t ready to give up. “You need to discipline them better!”
Parenting is all about devising strategies.
Here we are, parenting Generation X, Y, Z or millennials. It isn’t about the terminology. The truth is that no lessons and no advice ever prepared me for this rollercoaster ride called parenting. It was however up to me to determine the outcome of the ride. One that brings happiness, cheer and love or the one that ends up with nausea and head spins.
Parenting a dynamic and overwhelmingly aware generation calls for much more than discipline and regulation. Comforts aren’t a trade-off with them. Its now, a part of their life. Gone are the times when comforts were actually a luxury. What we need today is a deliberately planned parenting strategy to handle them.
Parenting is a journey that I redefined it for myself. As a parent, I’m partnering with the children. There are no ranks or seniority. Yielding authority will only widen the gap.
So what is it that I decided to do differently? I decided to adopt strategies that would help me in parenting my children.
Five Parenting Strategies
- Unlearning
This is vital. Unless the mind is decluttered from fixed assumptions around parenting, it is always difficult to cope with the generation.
*Unlearning whatever is imbibed from the older generations around parenting.
*Unlearn what is absorbed from neighbours, friends and family.
*Unlearn constant comparisons, expressed or unexpressed.
Unlearning creates open spaces where new experiences can be built. Like everything in our lives it is a restart for the most important gadget of our body – the mind. This ensures a happy and smooth functioning which helped me to accept and move on with times.
- The Telling Trap
A trap that has crept into our lives and influences our relationship with the children tremendously.
The present generation of parents carries this burden constantly without a realisation of the impact it is having on our relationship with the children. I grew up being told what to do as a kid and I followed since there seemed like no option. Into my teens, the trend continued and soon it became an accepted belief that I would act as told. In my first few jobs, I was comfortable and safe being told what to do by the boss. Thus I continued being enchained in the Telling Trap. Today, as a parent I continue to tell my children and I expect to be listened to. The result? I took time to gain confidence in decision-making. Yet I continue to force my children to walk into this telling trap once again.
- Stop! Rewind!
With an increasingly aware generation and more dynamic times, we can’t have more people of the younger generation living in this trap. Break it away. This will be an important step towards creating open communication with the children. Once there are no barriers, there will be less angst and more love and acceptance.
- Listening
Note the following conversation.
“When are your tests scheduled to begin?” The mother asks the child.
“Soon.” The child replies.
“What is soon?” The mothers questions.
“Towards the end of the month presumably!”
“I can’t believe you. In the second year of college and you are still clueless about the way the system works!” Exasperation is written large on the mother’s face.
The conversation should have ended but it continues.
“When will you begin to take some responsibility?”
“But, Mom? What has this……”
“Here begin your ifs and buts again. This generation of yours will end up useless. will you ever stop making excuses?”
“I’m not making…….”
“See…….you will always be ready for self-defence?”
“No…Mom. I’m only trying to tell…..”
“Now you will be the one telling…haaan!!” Doors bang, voices are raised and relationships turn sour.
What do you think happened?
Most miscommunication happens because we are not ready to listen. This is another crucial element in parenting. Listening with intent and not just hearing. It has to move one step up to Deep Listening. Here I quote the famous philosopher Thich Nhat Hanh, “Deep listening is the kind of listening that can help relieve the suffering of another person. You can call it compassionate listening. You listen with only one purpose to help him or her to empty his heart.” I also realised that the time we spend listening to each other has reduced since gadgets are now an important and in many scenarios, a irreplaceable element in our lives. In our busy schedules, we return to the comfort of home and loved ones with equal longing to spend time with social media and entertainment platforms like Netflix. All communication is happening against a background noise – it can be virtual or within the mind!
Deep listening isn’t an overnight miracle. It will happen gradually. The key is to begin the practice.
- Inclusivity
The talk around diversity and inclusion is widespread today. It is an acknowledgement of varied perspectives and presence in individuals. For me, it applies to parenting and is truly impacting. When I have accepted differences, I’m not judging. Being in a space of constant judgements is the reason behind avoidance, limited or no communication and a sense of constant threat. When I pause and reflect, the realization will emerge. As a parent of a teenager and an adult, I constantly juggle my approach to connect better with both children. One way is consciously reminding myself that they are different people with different views, varied expectations and unique personalities. Inclusion will happen only when it is practiced.
Parenting is a sustained effort firmed through dedication. Let’s walk with them and not walk ahead of them.
One Response
Itís hard to find knowledgeable people for this subject, but you seem like you know what youíre talking about! Thanks