I Am The She!

Always on the move!

My father, an Engineer, would keep switching jobs.  Our family was always on the move. I studied in 14 schools till graduation. I had learnt to adapt myself to different situations. At a very young age, I realized NOTHING IS PERMANENT.

An abusive childhood!

Bullied by peers, used and abused by elderly family members, numerous ‘Me Too ‘ moments defined my childhood. But I was too scared to tell my mother. I thought everything was my mistake. I couldn’t say STOP or NO. I couldn’t run away and alert others – MY MISTAKE AGAIN! At that age, I didn’t understand that I was a victim.

Sharing my feelings was taboo!

I was close to my mother but talking about sex, or inappropriate touch was taboo. But I have tried to change this with my daughter. She has been given the confidence and space to talk to me about anything.

A girl who plays with boys? A bad girl!

Let me share an incident with you. I had a group of friends in our locality. We would often play outdoors. One day my girlfriends did not turn up. I ended up playing with the boys when one of their mothers scolded me. My fault? Yes, it was, because I was playing with the boys. I learnt that the world is too ugly to keep our innocence intact.

Higher education is for boys! Don’t waste it on girls.

I completed Graduation with Mathematics Honours and then followed it up with a Diploma in Computer. A friend who couldn’t secure a place in Honours, lamented that I wasted a boy’s future. Well, a boy has a future, but a girl has none. She will only end up in the kitchen! I couldn’t disagree with him. During those times, a girl had to be well-educated to deserve an educated, well-placed husband.

Being a homemaker is a priority

My father never supported my mother when she got the opportunity to work at a Bank. Since she couldn’t work outside and had to become a homemaker, she always encouraged us to study well. ‘Even if you don’t get a job, at least you can use your knowledge to teach your kids. Help them grow up properly.’ These were my mothers’ words. You see, my degree was never a waste. It helped me reach where I am today – teaching in a respected institution as a Mathematics teacher.

Good girls do not opt for love marriage!

Mine was an arranged marriage. I had no romantic relationships. ‘Cos I was a GOOD GIRL who always obeyed her parents. Fortunately, I was blessed with an understanding and caring husband. We moved to Malaysia. Our life was perfect. But not for long. My husband met with an accident, leaving me with two young kids (8yrs & 3yrs) in a foreign country. I returned back to my parents. And they supported me with all their might.

A second chance!

But they thought I was too young and should remarry. Initially, I was not interested. But as days passed, I felt the need for a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold mine and a person to walk beside me. I agreed! Thus began the next phase of my life. I met numerous frauds, sex maniacs and cheaters. I finally settled with my old-time buddy – my college friend. No, it was not a love marriage but a MARRIAGE OF CONVENIENCE. He had an elderly mother and a deaf and dumb brother to take care of. Unfortunately, things didn’t work out the way we thought. He wanted to be ‘The Man of the House’. He realised that he had committed a SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE ACT by marrying me – a widow! At the marriage of his cousin, he barred me from participating in the rituals. Why? Because I was once a widow. His aunt opposed him. Let me tell you that I and my two kids were accepted by all – the relatives, the neighbours even the daily service providers. My relationship with my mother-in-law and brother-in-law was good. BUT…

I still loved my late husband!

I could never forget my late husband. I guess my eyes reflected that yearning. My second husband noticed it. He became harsher. He insulted me at every opportunity. He became rude to my parents. But he was a friend to my children. In retrospect, I feel he did not have the maturity to handle our marriage. For his insecurities grew and turned into aggression.

Alas!

I had wanted a shoulder to cry upon but the shoulder proved to be too heavy for me and became the reason for my sorrow.

We decided to part ways.

From single to a widow to a divorcee, I have seen it all!

Today, I am happy. I have no regrets. I have learnt not to depend on anyone to make me happy. It is our job to find happiness within us.

Here I am today, dancing, enjoying and living my life with positivity.

The motto of my life

Life always teaches us new lessons. Life gives us opportunities. We need to extract the best out of it. And keep the rest as a lesson learned.

EDITORIAL TEAM