A strong desire to explore the world alone, made him walk out of the hospital. He was recovering from the nervous breakdown; he had suffered almost twenty days ago. Life for him appeared as a half-written book where he had to fill the rest of the blank pages in black and white before saying goodbye. The writer in him made him delve deep into the inner recesses and embark on this solitary journey to find himself, thereby maintaining his sanity.
Last year’s sojourn on Valentine’s Day on the beach, made him yearn to go there and watch the sea waves breaking on the Craigs. He picked up a broken branch and flung it away to clear his path. Soon, the shattered bits of reminiscences portrayed again the warmth of belongingness, when her innate simplicity and beauty of soul accepted him as her Valentine, presenting him the most sought gift to capture sweet moments, as they together watched the sun go down.
As he walked through the crowded streets of Calangute beach in Goa, he could feel the zest for life as people in high spirits floated in front of his eyes only to be drifted away by the distant waves. She would never leave his hand fearing to be lost in the crowd and he enjoyed being the saviour, preferring these lanes. Still walking ahead at Calangute, he could see the beach soaking the shrieks of revellers as many feet sank when the waves lashed the shore. He tried to capture it through his lenses. It was the same camera gifted to him and he wanted to gift her the captured moments. He wanted to assert his lost self and show to the world, “I exist.”
He could feel the water up to his knees trying to bog him down in the soft sand. And there was she, lamenting at his struggle to stand upright. He held his camera tightly, lest it falls.
“Ah, dear! This gift of mine won’t leave you, don’t worry. “She caressed his hair and they watched again the sun going down in the sea. “Leave this place soon, ” shouted the coast guards. “A cyclone” And instantly the eerie silence engulfed the beach, the lull before an uproar. He found himself in the resort near the beach, which was also being asked to be vacated. But he wanted to be there, to capture the surging of turbulent waves, to capture the whiteness of the froth amidst the darkness and to hear the thunder breaking asunder the heavens to reach out below to create havoc.
Why did he wish for this turmoil?
Is it to fill up the blank pages of his book with pictures of this turmoil?
Was he searching for a self-identity, the essence of his life?
Will he be able to find himself or remain an insignificant solitary recluse?
He feared that these thoughts would again get on his nerves. And there was she, looking lovingly at him, perhaps waiting for the storm when the thunderous bolts would make him embrace her. Soon, he found himself capturing the rustling of swaying coconut trees, the sheds of makeshift stalls falling apart, the demolished wreckage carried far away but thrown back with equal intensity. Still, he tightly held his camera, shielding it from the menacing rain. He remembered he had to fill the pages of his blank book and finally sheltered it under a broken tin.
The sound of thunder roared along with the tumultuous waves and the lightning flashed, reflecting the violent surge, ready to devour.
“A journey to find yourself!” She smiled adding
” Without me, my Valentine”
She passionately held his cold hand. He had to embrace her as time froze capturing this sweet moment, not through the lenses but eternity. This was their greatest Valentine gift!
By Monjoyee Sharma
Monjoyee Sharma is a Teacher, a Western Music Presenter in All India Radio Guwahati and a Doordarshan Newsreader. She can be contacted at monjoyeesarma@gmail.com
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