September just went by. But left in its wake a subtle yet sincere reminder.
Self-care.
For women my age and above, self-care sounds almost like a taboo. Yes, even today. Any action that you might take towards your well-being, be it physical, mental or emotional, is often scorned as selfish and labelled as self-serving.
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Sleep for some extra hours and rest assured to be ‘sleep shamed’ in private and public alike. Add some supplements or extra nutrition to your meals and you will have to hear how the women before you never needed them for leading more industrious lives. Say a ‘No’ to any event, even after trying your best to attend it, and you will be made to feel guilty for the rest of the year. Hone a suppressed hobby and you might appear as being outlandish with your time.
The Unfettered 40s!
But then 40s is a delightful decade! It rewires your brain, and opinions of others, slowly but surely, lose their grip on you. For the first time, you somehow appreciate the Darwinian term, ‘self-preservation’ and return to your routine with resolution and mindfulness. You are ready to stop, sieve and then savour only those experiences which serve your wellbeing. You start looking forward to a reset than a rigorous chase for things that really don’t matter.
For the first time, perhaps, you start talking to yourself to find out what you want and why you want it. And then you simply go for it and may even like Jim Carrey in The Mask, blurt out, “Somebody stop me!”
Travel to Explore Yourself
“We travel, initially, to lose ourselves; and we travel next to find ourselves.”
In that spirit, I lived a self-care travel story of sorts this September. The trip was to Goa with my college besties little knowing that it would untuck the sides of me that I didn’t even know survived this long. The plan was long due and it took us a little more than two decades to actually implement it. All thanks to the professional planning and meticulous management of one of my friends.
The shift from the surroundings (as we women are usually accustomed to pay heed to) to the self (whose identity is barely acknowledged) was initially intimidating. But slowly the sensation of letting out of the string to let the kite soar high, enveloped me. While the company and camaraderie were invigorating, each one of us were finding moments that were intuitive and immersive.
A Minerva Moment!
That’s a moment when everything comes to a dead stop or a standstill. The only exchange that takes place is between You and the Moment. A realization that leads to an awareness or an understanding of a rare sort. It is just a moment of clarity, peace and poise. Often such a moment of acceptance and empowerment stays with us and we are free to savour it for a lifetime.
Interestingly, a Minerva Moment is not always experienced through meditation or supposedly significant acts. Yes, it could be internalised in the summit of a hiking trail or even in the sip of an aromatic cup of tea. Or perhaps just in an unpretentious acknowledgement of one’s flaws and in accepting the fact that one can change nothing but oneself. That is what I felt as I stood near the waters and saw them recede as gracefully as they arrived.
Let Go…
In today’s turbulent world, the best way to be kind to yourself is by behaving like the waters. Letting go of the baggage that weighs us down to be left with little moments of our everyday lives. Those moments may not steal the spotlight but could fill your eyes with the sparkle of wonder and wisdom. Less is more and only when you let go freely, can you focus fully on what you want from this life and what you can do to live it.
The heaviest invisible burden that almost all of us, women, are carrying, without even knowing it, is the burden of expectations of others and of ourselves. Each one of us keeps prioritising them till our self has surrendered to some insignificant past and you have no means to bring her back.
So, listen to your soul and look after yourself. Go for the walk, practise yoga, meditate, hit the gym or do any sort of physical activity that grounds you and makes you feel great. Squeeze out intentional breaks from your schedule, whether at home, at work or being the busiest at both places. Indulge in pampering yourself at regular intervals without attaching any sense of shame or awkwardness to it. Get back to those hobbies that got lost along the way and soak up the satisfaction they bring along with them.
Art for Art’s Sake
Overwhelmed and exhausted is what we feel often in today’s world. To address that we need to have some solo time by not only distancing ourselves in our real lives but also in our virtual domains. Various forms of art speak to me in ways that nothing else can. A play, a movie, a musical performance, a book discussion or even a walk through an art gallery brings to surface the emotions that make me feel alive and in the ‘flow’. But to live the experience in its wholesomeness, it is imperative to earnestly unplug myself to be able to fully engage with my surroundings.
Every piece of art has something to communicate. Only when the outside noise is silenced, can the nuances of the language of art be understood. For me, such spaces could offer a clearer understanding of my emotions, particularly, the unprocessed ones. For many, emotions could be fathomed through journalling, deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or may be, restful reflection. Sometimes, appropriate therapy sessions could boost emotional health by providing spaces where one could feel safe and centred. Whatever be the medium, checking in on your emotions and processing them towards your overall wellness is a non-negotiable aspect of self-care.
Spot the most important person in your life. Learn to carve out time for her even if it means saying a ‘no’ to other activities or people. Love her deeply and care for her conscientiously. Help her eat healthier and sleep better. Let her not just survive but thrive in environments where she can care for herself as much as she always does for others.
By Promita Banerjee Nag
An avid word enthusiast and content-churner, Promita is fuelled by novel writings, ideas and light-hearted banter. A teacher by passion, she treads the path of unequivocal learning with and through her students. Mother, music and ‘mishti’ mostly convince her. If you wish for a tête-à-tête, feel free to reach out to her at promita033@gmail.com.
