An Indian marriage is a union of two families. This concept has always been immensely respected and vigorously practised in our society. Various new relations come along with the marital bond and it’s obviously way more difficult for the bride as her whole base gets shifted to a completely new environment. The topsy-turvy rapport between the mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law starts from day one!
Case ONE
Ruhani just got married to her college sweetheart. She is hoping for a smooth marital journey as she gets along with Agam’s mother really well. Agam’s mother Rupali is a teacher and her mere presence at any function just brightens up the whole atmosphere! She is witty, loving and super cool. Her one-liners tickle anyone’s ribs. Agam’s friends love her and relish her sumptuous dinner spreads at times. She never had any issues while her son was dating Ruhani and happily agreed to their marriage. After the initial days, Ruhani noticed a change of behaviour in Rupali. She doesn’t want Ruhani to cook all the fancy foods Agam loves and insists on simple homely meals; She disapproves of the clothes Ruhani gets for Agam and she skips dinner whenever Ruhani and Agam attend any party with their friends. Ruhani tries hard to make her happy and does as her mother-in-law says but the situation is getting gloomier day by day. The sweet mother and the bubbly girl, both are having a tough time at present.
Case TWO
Neelima single-handedly raised her seven years old son after her husband passed away. A clerical job on the grounds of compensation helped her manage their finances. She has always been a simple and shy person and the most caring mother one can imagine. Nirav was a brilliant student. After completing Mechanical Engineering, he works for a big MNC at present. Neelima wanted a simple girl as her loving bahu. Soon a proposal came up from a dear friend’s relative. Mahika, the pretty-looking girl was an architect by profession and worked with a reputed private farm. The first meeting of the prospective bride and groom took place and they hit it off instantly with similar tastes in so many things! Neelima liked Mahika’s sweet and calm demeanour and was happy to get a bahu of her choice. The marriage took place after two months. Mahika won everyone’s hearts in no time. Nirav wanted a nice makeover of their house by his wife. Neelima agreed to it. But things started changing from then on. Nirav and Mahika’s awesome compatibility made Neelima feel suffocated and ignored. They always included her opinion in every discussion and decision but after all, it was their discussion in the first place! The single-handed management of the house had to be shared with the newest member and it made Neelima unhappy! She was annoyed and irritated all the time. Her son and daughter-in-law didn’t know what to do and make Maa happy again!
The above case scenarios are just two examples of how relationships sour even in the most favourable circumstances.
We always get to hear evil mother-in-law torture stories but I’m keeping them aside and talking about the great mothers who are supposed to be the most loving mothers-in-law. But their loving and caring selves cease to disappear as they don the hat of a mother-in-law!
- Why the best mothers who raise wonderful sons cannot keep up the pace, once the bahu enters the scene?
- Why do they feel so insecure suddenly?
- Why this feeling of sharing the most precious relationship comes up? Love and care increase several folds when shared, isn’t it the case here?
These questions always remain unanswered and the complexity in relations never gets eased from either side.
In my view, two root causes provoke such sentiments.
The moment the news of fixing a wedding date is out, everyone around starts pouring in some unwanted advice.
‘Start losing your grip on your son Mrs Sharma, ab toh bete ko bahu hi nachayegi!’
Or,
‘Beti, get ready to be controlled by the mother-in-law! Yeh kuch din aur aish kar lo mummy-papa ke paas!’
And thus a sense of discomfort gradually creeps into both the hearts of the would-be Saas and Bahu. Even the most reasonable personalities tend to feel social pressure and give in to that eventually. A little difference in opinion or different perspectives leads to a widening gap between the two women of the house.
‘My years of sacrifices’ overpowers ‘ I should give her time’ and ‘This household runs differently’ knocks out ‘ She has her own ways.’
Most of the brides try hard to adapt and embrace all the new dimensions but it’s totally on the mothers-in-law to guide her accordingly.
The effort should be from both sides.
But being a mother and having years of experience makes the mother-in-law more responsible for the ice-breaking of a lovely bonding.
No need to treat her as your own daughter, because for her, wholehearted acceptance as a daughter-in-law is more than enough to be happy in the new abode.
A motherly hug at times is everything the bahu longs for, an item cooked as per her liking is what a bahu’s heart craves for. Show her affection and she’ll be by your side forever.
How can we help in improving the situation?
By promising ourselves that we’ll be the coolest mothers-in-law when the time comes.
We’ll change the whole mindset and bring out the best of ourselves to help our homes to be the happiest ones forever.
By Anuja Lopamudra
Hailing from a small town, Nagaon in Assam, Anuja’s love for writing bloomed mostly during her college days. With two super energetic kids and a busy household by her side, she follows her passion for writing and singing without fail and it keeps her going with full zeal. Blogging, cooking, and lots of reading are her besties and she promises herself not to part ways with them ever, no matter what. She can be contacted at anuja.lopa@gmail.com
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