People often look down upon romantic love, saying since it includes physical intimacy, it is not the purest form of love.
I believe there is no love greater than romantic love. Yes, initially it’s just a pure chemical reaction in your brain that makes you feel attracted to a person, but that attraction is short-lived and can’t sustain a relationship for long term.
It takes a lot of work to love someone if you are not connected to them by blood, like the way you are with your parents or children. The love we feel for them has a lot to do with how we have known them since birth coupled with a sense of duty. Your parents have taken care of you and invested in you since day one of your life. The love you feel for them is often more of respect and gratitude.
On the other hand, love for your children starts with a sense of duty. Carrying a life within you, being responsible for a tiny human being who is helpless without your love and care is initially responsible for creating your bond with them. I am not a mother, but that’s what my friends who have embraced motherhood tell me.
However, if you think about it, when it comes to your partner, there were no such grand premises involved. In a world, full of choices, they choose you to love, you to fight for, you to let in, you to be vulnerable around, and you to evolve with. Unlike your parents or children, society will not hold you responsible if you do not care for them and abandon them for someone else, at least until Government is involved (read marriage), but still they cared for you as they care for those relationships.
Moreover, in a long-term romantic partnership, just romance is not enough. You need to be their friend. Also, you need to play the role of a parent or a child in your partner’s life when the situation demands it. Passion takes a backseat, affection and respect take over along with making an effort.
Effort probably is the most essential thing. The effort to work to be a better support system for each other, effort to make time in today’s busy life for showing love and affection, effort for slowing down at times so that the other person can catch up, effort to teach, learn and unlearn. Walking together takes a lot of it.
To add to that, the sacrifices you make for them to be happy, and for them to be successful are worthy of recognition. I feel absolutely amazed when I see couples building each other up, putting effort into each other’s success for which they are most likely to not receive any credit.
I often joke with my husband about how in future if we choose to separate for some reason and he finds love again, his next partner will get a much better deal than me. Simply due to all the time and effort I have invested in him which made him a better version of himself. The same goes for me as well. This remains true even for our past relationships. A part of my ex-partner has stayed with me in form of the qualities I have learnt from him, although that relationship ended more than a decade back. If you think this way, this investment is even more selfless than that of parents, because there is no guarantee that you will reap the benefits of your efforts.
So, hold on to your romantic love without any shame. Say “I love you” to your partner if you haven’t lately. Declare your love to the world. The truth is that you can’t love anyone else like this in the world because this is the only relationship, where you both are equal. This is truly one of a kind.
Happy Valentine’s day. Stay in love.
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