Unspoken Love

This article focuses on how men are often closeted when expressing their emotions. In society, the image of a man is always seen as the protector, and the provider, the burden on them is immense. If he isn’t masculine enough, he is not a man. What is masculinity all about? And who are we to decide what makes a man, a man?

“ All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does.”

While reading a book, I came across the above-mentioned quotes, which made me ponder that I have rarely encountered a man who isn’t afraid to pour his heart out. How often have we seen a man crying? How often do we see a father and son embracing each other? The brunt of patriarchy is something that puts excessive pressure on men as well. Even today, if we see a man or a boy cry, we taunt him for being weak by saying ladki ki tarah kyun ro raha hai, mard ban?”

If we see around us, the way how men are brought up, and are conditioned to act in a certain way, tends to be at times quite overbearing for them. Many men still pine for a token of love and appreciation from their fathers. They have a lot of untapped emotions. Their unexpressed hurt and anger can be sometimes seen in their romantic relationships as well.

The only good thing about the movie Animal was perhaps the song “Saari Duniya jala denge”, pictured on a father-son relationship. There are very few films, that show the bond between a father and son. Films like The Lion King, The Pursuit of Happiness, and Beautiful Boy, touch upon the multiple layers of a father-son relationship. Why do fathers and sons fail to connect? A son is supposed to fill in his father’s shoes, but at the same time is supposed to be distant from him. A father or a son can’t be out there, sharing about the times when they feel low.

Lately, I saw the award-winning film, The Whale which was a beautiful movie about a gay man, who tries his best to connect with his daughter in the last days of his life. It is one of those movies that touch upon how badly being neglected in childhood can hamper a child’s mental health and about a parent’s guilt, and frustration, for not being able to build a relationship with their children as they grow up.

A father will never have the same carnal relationship with a son that a mother has. However, he can and should teach his son how to touch, smell, and, above all, how to express love. Men have a huge deficit of physical contact. They do not know how to express their feelings, especially towards children. We may have seen a father teaching his son how to play a sport, drive a car, and share a drink together, but how often do see them having a heart-to-heart conversation?

We may not see a Dad hugging his son or giving him a pat on the back, but perhaps at times we can see that smile, a shimmer of hope when his son does well. Your father might not be there out in the open, but within his close circle of friends, he might be telling them about how proud he is of you. That is his way of showing his love for you.

This reminds me how often do we appreciate the efforts our fathers put in. We seem to blame them for a lot many things, often failing to realise that he has had his fair of struggles, but done his best to raise you, amidst all the hardships and troubles. We don’t realise that feelings of neglect and create deep wounds that are passed on to our future generations as well.

Right from an early age, sons watch their fathers and try to imitate them. Be it how they show their respect towards women, or even how to control emotions or anger. We should focus on the fact that even men crave warmth, affection, and tenderness from their loved ones. The need of the hour is the emancipation of men as well. Free them from the cage of suppression of emotions, and let him be a human first, who can cry, laugh, and feel the way his heart wants to.


Sonali Swain

Sonali Swain is a Freelance Content writer from Delhi. She wishes to be an IFS Officer and is preparing for the Civil Services currently. She can be reached at sonaliankita18@gmail.com.

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