He woke up screaming. “Maman…Maman…!” The shrill cries turned into steady whimpering as he frantically groped for someone in the dark.
A pair of hands reached out and grabbed him before he fell off the bed. “I…I can’t see anything!” The corner lamps sprang into life.
“Ssshhh baby!”
“Maaaamannnn… You are late! AGAIN!” The child wailed. Cradling him in his arms, she rested her tired back against the wall. “I had to finish my chores, baby!” She kissed him.
“Every night… you are late. You know how scared I am of the dark.”
Maman traced her fingers on his forehead. “Calm down. Daddy will fix the starlights tomorrow.”
Clutching her tightly, Avery hid his face in Maman’s hair. He loved the fragrance of her freshly shampooed hair.
“Maman?”
“Baby?”
“Do you remember me in the middle of your chores?”
There was silence. The little boy could feel the heaviness hanging around him.
Maman let out a long, deep sigh. “Darling… Put your head on my chest. Now do you hear something?”
“Yes, yes, that’s your heartbeat.”
“Right! You are here, deep inside me. A part of me…! You are always in my mind. We are two entities inextricably linked forever.”
“Maman, the teacher was saying something about a cord….um..um..umlical..”
“Ha ha!” Maman laughed out loud. “Did she mean the umbilical cord?”
“Yes, yes, Maman. Do you know about that cord that binds us forever?”
“Woah, my intelligent boy! Listen, when you miss me, feel your heartbeat. Here, let me show you. That’s me beating inside you. Now lie down next to me and let’s feel each other’s heartbeat.”
Little Avery let out a whoop of joy as he felt his heartbeat and then his mother’s. “This is so exciting!”
“Now sleep. You have school tomorrow. Let me sing a song—one of your favourites.”
Picking him up, Maman walked around, crooning it. She realised that Avery had grown bigger. A child is never too big for his mother, she smiled. Her baby was soon fast asleep.
She put him down gently, pulled the covers around him, tucked his favourite teddy beside him, and kissed him on his nose.
How he loved these tiny, fluttering kisses! My child…my child…if only!
****
In the next room, slept her husband. Curled around the bolster, which she loved, he was in deep sleep. Wrinkles around his mouth, deep creases on his forehead—the man had aged in a week. A sharp pang of guilt overwhelmed her, followed by a wave of melancholy.
If only… she had not misunderstood him…! If only she had given a thought to her little boy… If only… She looked out at the Eucalyptus tree. Its slender white branches stood in stark contrast to the darkness around her, beckoning her just the way it had a week ago.
She hurriedly scribbled a reminder for the lights and floated out. The tree spread out its branches for its sole occupant. Her new abode—the checkpost from where she could keep an eye on her child, on her house, and her beloved.
If only… she had not…
****
(In memory of a young mother we lost two weeks ago. She took her life in a fit of rage, leaving behind her young children. The if-only’s will keep haunting her and us forever.)
Note -World Suicide Prevention Day (WSPD) was established in 2003 by the International Association for Suicide Prevention in conjunction with the World Health Organization (WHO). The 10 September each year aims to focus attention on the issue, reduce stigma and raise awareness among organizations, governments, and the public, giving a singular message that suicides are preventable.
The 2024-2026 theme, “Changing the Narrative on Suicide,” emphasises the urgent need to shift our collective understanding of suicide.
By Sreemati Sen
Sreemati Sen holds a Masters in Social Work from Shantiniketan. A Development Professional,
she has specialized in Psychiatric Care of Differently-abled children. Years of experience in
Social and Consumer Research are also a part of her portfolio. Her stories have been featured in
various anthologies.
She can be contacted at Sreemati123p@gmail.com.
Facebook Comments